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What is bisexuality?

Although there is a definition of bisexuality (as a sexual orientation) given in the dictionary, the use of the word bisexual as a label and identity varies from group to group and from bisexual individual to bisexual individual. Since no one definition can fully cover all the different types of bisexuals that exist in this world, here are a few of the more popular definitions currently in use:

i) Someone who is capable of feeling romantic, spiritual, and/or sexual attraction for two genders*.

ii) A person who loves despite gender.

iii) One who loves individuals first and genders second.

iv) An individual open to sexual or emotional exploration with two genders.

*Note that two genders is specified here being as many people are aware that there are more that two genders in this world (gender refers to a person's psychology, not to their physical sex)

Bisexuality Myths

The thought of a person that is attracted to both men and women can be confusing and frequently leads to misconceptions and stereotypes. People are quick to dismiss the idea that it is possible for one to be attracted to more than one gender. Below are some of the myths about bisexuals.

Myth: Bisexuality Is Only a Phase

For years the LGBT community has challenged heterosexuals who publicly state that homosexuality is only a phase. Bisexuals face the same generalization from both the gay and straight communities. Many bisexuals are completely in touch with their emotions and desires for members of both genders and often feel limited by the thought of attraction to only a man or woman. Emotional connections often take precedence when bisexuals pursue a potential partner. Bisexuality is just as much of a natural process as homosexuality and heterosexuality.

Myth: Bisexuals Have To Choose To Be Either Gay or Straight

Bisexuals are attracted to both men and women on both an emotional and physical level. Some "lean straight" (meaning they prefer a member of the opposite sex, but same-sex partners are always an option) and others "lean gay" (which means they prefer members of the same sex, but would consider a relationship with a member of the opposite sex). Nonetheless, they are not simply gay or straight and definitely do not have to choose.  

Myth: Bisexuals Are Sexually Confused

A common misconception in both the LGBT and heterosexual communities is that bisexuals are sexually confused. This misconception is far from the truth. Bisexuals are attracted to both sexes and are in many cases more clear about their sexuality than most others.

Myth: Bisexuals Will Never Marry

Alongside the thought that bisexual men and women are sexually confused is the myth that they will never be able to settle down in a monogamous relationship with a partner of either gender. In many cases, bisexuals put a lot of emphasis on emotional connections. That in mind, the opportunity to find a life partner is just as viable as it is in a heterosexual or homosexual relationship

Myth: Bisexuals Are Sexually Promiscuous

Bisexuals are no more promiscuous than any others. Promiscuity (or frequent sex with multiple partners) is an individual trait not to be associated with any one group of people. However, liking both males and females increases the chances of finding a sexual partner or potential relationship (by shear numbers alone).

Myth: Everybody is Bisexual

Although most people experience an attraction for someone of the same gender at some point in their lives, this does not mean that everyone is bisexual. For most people these feelings pass or change over time without the person ever questioning or redefining their sexual orientations.

Myth: To be bisexual you have to love both genders equally

Identifying as bisexual does not set a limit as to how attracted one must feel towards either gender. There is no defined cut off point at which one must cease to identify as bisexual and must identify as gay/lesbian or straight because of a shift in attractions. Most bisexuals do not feel equally attracted to both genders on a sexual and emotional levels and experience shifts in attraction levels to either genders.* Some bisexuals are not attracted to a gender per se, but are instead attracted to the person's personality or various other attributes and take note of gender afterwards, if at all. In these cases gender does not really come into play.

Myth: Bisexuals are much more likely to carry sexually transmitted infections (STI’s)

It's not who or what a person is that makes them more likely to carry diseases and infections. It is what a person DOES, the sexual practices of a person, and in particular, how well a person protects him/herself during sexual activities. The more educated one becomes about STD's the better protected one can be from infection.

Myth: Bisexuals are more accepted by straight society

This myth has all been expressed by some as "Bisexuals are more accepted by gay/lesbian society." The truth is that although bisexual activists fight for many of the same rights as gay and lesbian people do, they are not always made to feel welcome as a part of the community/movement. The heterosexual community often groups bisexuals as being "confused or undercover homosexuals" and so rejects bisexuals and the concept of bisexuality. For the opposite reason some lesbian and gay people reject bisexuality as a valid sexual orientation and see the stigma and not the people. The fact is that many bisexual people feel as if they are somewhere in between the two worlds and feel both positive and negative feelings from both. This is not to say that that LGBT people do not work together in the equal rights movement and accomplish great things.

In the end;

Being bisexual simply means the capacity to love a person for who they are despite their gender. Whether this is a person of the same gender or not is not in question. Bisexuals like everyone else in this world are just people that need love and give love. Whereas a gay man/woman would notice his/her gender if a man and a woman were walking the streets together, the bisexual man/woman would invariably notice both. It means being sexually attracted (to both genders) and acting on these feeling. Bisexuals can have sex, albeit pleasurable sex and pillow play with both genders (man/woman). Both the physique and form of both bodies of both these sexes make him/her get excited and sexually aroused. A bisexual is emotionally attached to both genders. He/she can love both man and woman (not necessarily at the same time), and this can be a fulfilling relationship.

**Yu Ai is a Kenyan Bisexual Blogger