Money Makes Ugly (Gay) Men Attractive

Its either you have the looks or you have money.

Over this Easter holiday, I had a rather interesting and insightful talk with my boss. It just so happened we were the only two souls in the office and since there was no internet (hence no Face book) we had no other option but to talk to each other to kill the boredom. Were I alone, I would have gone to the photocopy machine, switched it on, dropped my trousers and sat on top of it and press the ‘Copy’ key.  But since he was there, I imagined, were this one of those sleazy, below-the-counter novels I read I would have gone over with a file on my arm to his desk, leaned over to him and ask him to sign the file.  I would then look into his eyes, he would look back, I would lean over and kiss him and he would then carry me (all 88 kilos), brush with his arm all the stuff that was on his desk and drop them to the floor, then lay me on it and he would make violent love to me.

We happened to talk about money and how it affects most relationships and in our case, gay relationships and to what extent money can be a decisive factor. He mentioned that to him money was not a factor he would consider when dating someone. He was of the opinion that he would date anyone whether or not he was rich. If that were the case, he would help his partner to be financially secure by getting him a job. He sees it shallow and sad that gay men would actually date someone because of his money. I, materialistic, shallow and sad as I am, differed with him on three levels.

1)      Who would want to date a poor bloke? Given the binary that exists between gay men (top or bottom; provider or homemaker) it invariably means that one person must take on the role of being the one who brings the bacon home. If one partner is ‘well off’ it follows that he is to cater to the needs of the other.

2)      I am of the opinion, and I stand to be corrected, that if you are ugly but have money, chances are you will get many admirers (read gold diggers) than one is ugly and poor. These gold diggers, oops, sorry, admirers, fall in love with your money than you as a person. So, if you are rich and you have a whole cohort of skinny people after you, look yourself in the mirror in the morning and see that it’s not because of your eyes or lips or smile that they are after you. I am just keeping it real!

3)      I also noted that most, if not all, gay and rich fellows, are unsuccessful, in love and marriage. I blame it on them since they are always unnecessarily wary and cautious of people they date since they think that they are after their money or for other favours and so they will always see the other as an exploiter or gold digger and not as an honest loving partner.

My boss looked at me when I had finished saying this and he laughed. He has no problem dating someone, with or without money. He agreed, funny enough, to the idea that rich, ugly, gay men appear attractive. All one has to do is take a brown paper bag and put over their head during sex and just get it over with. He also agreed, in part, that rich gay people happen to be more miserable and unsuccessful in finding love since they assume that their partners are after their coffers. This makes it hard for them to trust people and also because I think they are snobs. Yes, gay rich men are snobs and look down on their not-so-rich counterparts. Keeping it real, people!

So, I asked him, what category does he fit in? The rich beautiful gay man who is always wary and keeps his money closer to his heart than love? The ugly rich gay man who thinks he is loved because he has the looks -and we know he doesn’t- not knowing it’s all about the money? Or the gay man -rich or poor- who will love regardless of what the other person earns.  He laughed.

I continued with my observation that yes, we cannot ignore the fact that money can be a decisive factor in any relationship and that some gay people are known to enter relationships with the aim of gaining some footing. We do have gay men actually believing they are in love with a rich man and once they get the money the love disappears. Sad as it is, it’s a phenomena slowly emerging. And how many people dump their once rich boyfriends? I can count several.

He was of the opinion that perhaps, two rich gay men can indeed meet and date and have a successful relationship. I agreed. Yes, if both of you are on equal levels, then perhaps none will feel inferior over the other. It will be an ‘equal’ relationship.  I also mentioned that even if that were the case, does it mean the poor-Cinderella or Snow White-meet-and-fall-in-love-with-rich-Prince is no longer a reality? Does it mean that a poor gay man can’t love a rich gay man without wanting something in return? Can two gay men work together, whether rich or poor and better their lives and to have the love they have for each other still intact at the end of it all? I have to ask, does money make otherwise ugly (and rich) gay men, attractive? And are people out there who can fall in love with rich ugly gay men because Cupid has shot them with his arrow?

 I am thankful I have the looks but not the money. I am happy. He has both the looks and the money. He is happy too.