Gay kenya: Prove Me Wrong; There Is No Love between Two Gay Men

Prove Me Wrong; There Is No Love between Two Gay Men
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Denis Nzioka on 21/06/2010 07:31:00
 
A few months back I had written an article entitled ‘Gay Relationships Are Not
Meant to Be.’ As interesting as the title was and controversial still what I
wrote, I felt that time has come again to speak on this matter. In the first
article, I had attempted, albeit objectively, to look at some of the reasons
that underlie gay relationships –at least those I have seen – and why most
of them invariably do not last. With so many break ups and fleeting as some of
them are, it was no wonder I had every right to rant.
I was hoping that this time things would have been better – or at least some
would have heeded my advice– and they would have worked out these problems
that plague gay relationships and maybe, for once, prove me wrong. However, that
has not happened; I am still right. Yes, gay relationships are not meant to be.
It’s a no brainer then to say also that they hardly last.
I have tried to view those friends of mine who are dating or are in
relationships and I am disappointed. There was some hope in one or two that
seemed – at least on the face – bound to last and indeed prove once and for
all that two gay men can find love, happiness and comfort in one another. Sadly,
as I was getting comfortable to the fact that I at last had been alive to see a
(Kenyan) success story, I was again hurt when I was told they had broken up.
I do agree that problems will be there in any kind of (love or sexual)
relationship and more so between gay men. I also agree that it’s all about
both partners, equal and in love, to work at this and despite all, still stick
together.  Gay relationships can be the best, fulfilling and complete things on
earth...only if we make them to be this. What we have, sadly, are two people who
want to have fun without an aforethought of other pertinent matters or what is
next after the libido subsides. Do not get me wrong, sex is good, sweet and
amazing and when performed by two people who understand and complement each
other, the ecstasies of Teresa of Avila can hardly compare.
What I have noted is sex being relegated to being a tool of domination and a
means of oiling (bloated) egos. Many a times I hear people boast of their sexual
conquests and some are openly proud of telling others they have slept with so
and so. Nowhere is male ego so obvious and pathetic. Most gay men, tops mainly,
pride in the thought they have bed so and so. In fact some take sexual conquest
as a task that they just have to engage in. I am told that some keep a record of
their entire sex partner, complete with dates and places when they had sex. To
them, looks and character are not necessarily a requisite to the ones they lay
with but the fact that that person can be taken to bed.
The passives of our community are also to blame. Some pride in the fact that
they have been taken to bed with the crème de la crème of the tops we have. I
have one close friend of mine who throws himself to anyone who will show the
slightest interest in them. He may be choosy over looks but even that is thrown
to the winds when his flesh hints at copulation. He is ashamed of being called
loose or immoral; all he wants is sex and he will do anything to get it.
What we have as gay Kenyans are sex cycles. I had also talked about this on
previous article entitled ‘Funeral Committees.’ Here, I brought to light or
at least tired to speak on the emerging and worrying pattern of gay men moving
from one person to another. People in relationships suddenly break up and the
next time they appear they both have someone different and go on to claim how in
love they are. The same pattern repeats itself all over. I will admit that the
openly gay community (by open I mean those who are gay and interact on a regular
basis with others especially in social scenes) is small. Chances are if I break
up with someone I will date the next person I know who may turn out to be a
drinking buddy or a neighbour or a colleague or a friend. My friends date my
friends; there are no new people. People who are looking for a relationship need
not look that far to find someone.
Without fear or shame, most of us hardly have second thoughts when it comes to
sex. We would immediately engage in sex when it is available. Many people live
risky lives by this. They will not find a partner or someone to settle down with
but choose to live singly and engage in sex with those they will. They frequent
bars, buy one or two drinks (sounds familiar, Mr. Denis Nzioka?) alone or with
friends and they will look for someone to go home with that night; and they do
this every night!  These usually are people with money, good look and are
generally known among their peers; what makes me wonder is how someone as
successful and complete as they are cannot find someone to settle down with! I
talked to one and he told me that it’s important to appear single and
available as you can then be free to look for someone. Getting into a
relationship, gasp, makes someone unattractive, uninteresting and pretty much
unavailable; why then would anyone want them?
What I am trying to say is that gay relationships will not be successful if the
above is anything to go by. Unless we all work at it we are just fooling
ourselves. To those who are meant to be in relationships and to those who are
meant to be single, the challenge is only one. I dare you to prove me wrong;
there is no love between two gay men.